Goodbye to A Girl

Today marks a shift in the way I’ve looked at life in the last 10 years and I’m ok with that.  Like all excited pregnant mamas, I purchased a girl (in addition to a boy) “going home” outfit when our first baby was due in May 2010.  And with each passing pregnancy and subsequent boy baby, in the closet it hung, to the hospital it went, and back in the closet it hung again….waiting.  I always knew I wanted four children.  I used to joke that if we ended up having four boys, I’d adopt a fifth to get a girl.  But the reality is that was always said as a passing joke and now that that juncture in our life has come, to make a joke like that come true just seems selfish.  As soon as our fourth boy was born, I felt like our family was complete.  I was never ever not once disappointed that any of my children were boys.  That’s not to say that other people weren’t.  I remember driving home from the hospital with our third newborn boy and a neighbor on the phone remarked how his wife was really disappointed I didn’t have a girl.  That one stung a bit but as most things in life go, it was just easier to forgive the comment and move on.  At least I was lucky to not find out any of the genders.  An absolute sweetheart friend of mine who also has four boys shared some of the commentary she got when she revealed to people she was pregnant with her fourth boy.  People thoughtfully suggested that maybe the ultrasound was wrong and the baby could come out as a girl when it was born (note: he’s still a boy).  She was a rock and had the grace to let those comments pass as well.

Back to today.  Today was the day that the sweet angelic girl outfit and I parted ways.  I’d been waiting for the right moment to give it to someone and recently new parents in our extended family gave birth to a girl.  It seemed like a good moment to have a passing of the (onesie) torch.  I must give full disclosure that yes, I was the lady in the post office hugging a onesie with tears in my eyes before I put it in the package to be mailed away.  Visions of glittery shoes, dance recitals, gymnastics classes, cheerleading competitions, dresses, dresses, more dresses, hairbows and headbands have long since given ways to a life of bugs, snakes, insects, Matchbox cars, dinosaurs, trucks and many other boyish things.  Of course if my boys were interested in dance or gymnastics I would always keep the door open but frankly they are not.  And as any seasoned parent will tell you, it’s a lot more fun to learn and grow with your kids than to try to force them into something just because it is or once was important to you.

One note that I think is important to mention.  What’s written here is in no way a lament, it is a reflection.  I know that there are many women who have struggled to have children and if you know me, you know I am always thinking of them and praying that they will get their rainbow babies.  But I do get questioned (A LOT…pretty much every day I leave my house, typically by strangers) about having four boys, so today seemed like as good a day as ever to look back on it.   I always get the inevitable “are you going to try for a girl?”  Depending on how well I know the person and how much caffeine I’ve had, I typically respond with either “the baby would just turn out to be a boy (haha funny)” or “we already tried four times (shoulder shrug and slink away).”   And if for some reason a girl, baby or older, should ever come into our life, whether it be through birth, foster, adoption…I’ll again be reminded that only God has the master plan and all we can do is do our best to follow it!

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